True Happiness

First off, excuse half of the pictures with the watermarks.  We took the pictures and I was putting my watermark on them and decided I didn't want to do it anymore!  Lol!

After asking Stevie to smile with his eyes :)

My heart is full.  Full of love and joy.  So much that it's overflowing to my eyes and I been shedding tears of joy lately.  I've always been an emotional person and I finally have a full grasp on happiness.  Happiness that I hadn't truly understood, experienced  or have been able to hold on until recently.  

I suffered from depression most of my life.  You learn to put a smile on your face and you can genuinely laugh at certain moments, but happiness is not a feeling that you ever truly experience.  I have never felt so amazing as I do right now and it's a constant flow of happiness and gratitude.

This year has been a wonderful year of growth for me (and my family).  Emotionally, Healthwise, Physically, and Mentally.  3 and a half years ago my brother said to me "When are you going to stop blaming others for bringing you down? LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT".  I was letting the past hold me back from growing.  I have been working ever since to make my life one that I want to live in.  It has not been an easy task.  Something that has helped Steve and I realize our goals and has given the drive to want to reach them, was by watching "The Secret".  It truly changed our lives and put things into perspective.

One amazing thing is that we now Have goals.  Great goals.  Just a few....to live a long, happy life....open our own business, so that we can spend more time together as a family....to have more children...just a few.

The smile that you see on my face is a genuine smile!  I have so much to be grateful for!  Look at my beautiful family.  As beautiful as they come out in print, you should see the love and kindness that they show.  My husband and my children love me so much and I love them so much it hurts (in a wonderful way).  We have been blessed with a love and understanding of our Heavenly Father.  I am a very spiritual being and wish that I could spread the certainty that I have of His love.  The experiences that I have had are too powerful and too many to sweep under a rug.  We have everything that we need and truly want for nothing.  And we can help those that need help as well.  I keep telling Steve that we need to win the lottery because I would love nothing more than to spend my days helping others.  

 Although we have had to say goodbye to some loved ones in our family, we know we will see them again.  I'm grateful that they are now in their state of perfection. 

 There have been great things that have happened in our family this year. My oldest brother asked his girlfriend to marry him and she said "Yes!".  I am so excited to welcome her to our family officially next year.  Congrats to my brother, who trained for and finished a rigorous tough mudder race.  We got to have a second family vacation with Steve's son and his awesome family.  My nephew married a beautiful and kind woman, whom even Lizzie loves!  My beautiful niece gave birth to a beautiful daughter.  My sister also has found her geniune smile.   I know there is much more, but these are what my swiss cheese brain can remember right now. 

My life isn't exactly perfect as worldly/social standards portray.  I am still a work in progress.   Although every day is no longer a struggle.  I have learned to start my day with mental clarity, through meditation and/or scriptures.  It gives my mind a bit of a break, if only for 10-20 minutes.  Actually, even before I get out of bed I tell myself all of the things I am grateful for.....sometimes over and over again.  I don't feel bad anymore for being different and taking on only what I can handle.  I like me, Steve likes me and my kids like me and that's enough for me :) I try the best that I can and if I have a bad day, there is always tomorrow.